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jdmlifestyle:

Grindovation

Snaps By: K.Chow

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I don’t even know anymore.

Let’s just say, with what i found out about you, it really hurt. Like, i never expected me to feel the way i do for you, to do all that I’ve done and to care the way i do. For me to have given you my loyalty and trust, i don’t understand why you couldn’t have been upfront. It hurts that you had me convinced that it was only me you were talking to, which is exactly why you were the only one i talked to. Yea, i had other people, but they were strictly friends. I wouldn’t have cared if you would have been honest. Who am i to tell you who you can and can’t talk to when you’re not even in a relationship? You probably don’t even care about how this makes me feel, because to you that was the past & it’s irrelevant…even though it was recent. God forgive me if i’m acting this way and the information isn’t true, but the proof was pretty clear. Maybe you do really like me, but i can see that you want to keep me a secret. Crazy thing is, i wanted to cut you off, but i can’t. Stupid me for thinking with my heart instead of my mind, & for caring when you’re not even mine. I must look like a damn fool for that one.

& now, i find out that somebody that is suppose to be like family to me was talking shit and putting me down. Saying a whole bunch of things that were untrue. You made me look bad. I know secrets about you that i promised to keep with me until i die, and i still keep that promise. I’m so pissed that you would do that, so all i can say is the trust between you and i is completely gone. I will never tell you my personal life ever. Why did you do it? Were you jealous because people were having a discussion about me, saying all these nice things? I just don’t understand why you would do that…

At this point, i truly feel like i’m just not cared about. People can hurt me and walk all over me without batting an eye. I can give somebody my trust, tell them the complete truth and be loyal, but i just won’t get that in return. I swear, i can tell somebody that i’m sad or i’m hurt, and all i’ll get is a “Get over it” type of response. I don’t ASK for anything….but how can i not expect to be cared about? I do way too much and for what? To get spit in my face by the people i genuinely care about. At the end of the day, when i want somebody to care about me, when i want somebody to worry about my happiness and to give me honesty and trust, i have to look for myself. I should stop giving a fuck about everybody. Stop worrying about making YOU happy and proving to you that i’m a trustworthy person, but i know deep down i just can’t do that. Fuck you heart for being so damn big and wanting to make EVERYBODY ELSE happy and make EVERYBODY ELSE feel secure instead of worrying about yourself. This is what you get for doing that.

(Source: fearlessknightsandfairytales, via iimportprincess)